The Token Awkward Start

Okay.
So...recently some people have been taken some interest (believe it or not) in what I've been posting up about what I have to say (aka bitch) about random movies I've seen.
Then I got the recomendation to write a blog...which I dismissed immediately and without thought...I mean, I dunno, the whole blog idea has always turned me off.
However, a persistant certain someone (yes, you know who you are, and you better be fucking reading this because this is your doing) pointed it would be convieniant to have everything togetherand sorted instead of randomly posted on the internet, saved on my computer, written on my school books, and on scraps of paper beside my bed....yah, I'm not so organized.
And she had a good point (for once XD)
So, my plan is to slowly start collecting the random posts and scribbles that have accumulated over the years... o.0 god, this will be quite the task.
Anyway, this is so fucked...I feel like I'm talking to myself...it's bad enough that I bicker with myself in my mind, but now I'm actually putting in on paper (or text) and its just concrete proof that I need a life.
Oh and Jo, Imma bitch a little more about The Departed...cause I know how much you despise that movie ;)

Monday, June 14, 2010

Antichrist

Mkay. Antichrist. Made in 2009…which is a lot…recenter? Than I had expected. The only two actors in the movie, if you exclude the baby that’s in it for five minutes and the groups of women with their faces blurred out that are in it for five minutes, are Willem Dafoe, who plays the “him” and another actress…I’d never heard of her, so, like usual, I don’t remember her name…in case you didn’t guess, she plays the “her”.
The basic idea is that this couple’s baby falls out of a window and dies while they are having sex. Afterward, the female is not dealing with it well at all. Being a psychiatrist, the husband takes his wife case on himself, and decides to take her somewhere that she is afraid of. It’s a forest called Eden, where they have a cabin and where his wife had spent a great deal of time with her son, working on a book she was writing about gynocide. Things just go south from there, as the husband figures things out about his wife, and she gets out of control.
One thing that I really liked about this movie was that it was divided into six…a prologue, four chapters, and an epilogue. I didn’t like the whole chapter thing at first…but it really came to make sense in the end.
The prologue and epilogue are in black and white…and the prologue is when the couple are having sex and the baby dies. The first chapter is called Grief. The part of the story where they are still at home dealing with their baby’s death is included in this chapter. At the very end, they decide to leave for the forest. The chapter ends with a deer with a stillborn baby hanging out of the womb…
Chapter two is called Pain. It’s basically her treatment at the cabin, getting better and worse…this chapter ends with him seeing a fox like, eating itself.
Chapter three is where it really picked up for me. Dafoe catches on that something is weird. And it turns out, that by going through her books and notes, he realizes that while she was up here trying to write against gynocide, she actually ended up believing that it was true and just and necessary. So, shit happens and he ends up having his genitals smashed by a piece of wood, gets knocked out (obviously…like, shit) and drills a hole in his leg and screws a weight to him so he can’t escape. There is a lot more graphic torture and shit going on in this chapter…but I’m going to skip to the end where Dafoe is trying to smash a crow in the head and kill it with a stone.
The last chapter is called the three beggars. Which kinda pulls everything together. Part of the woman’s study notes included information on the three beggars. Which are the Deer (Grief) the Fox (Pain) and the Crow (Despair). I really liked how they worked that. The woman told Dafoe that the three beggars were coming, and when they did, someone needed to die. I thought it was pretty obvious at this point that she was going to be the one to die. Despite what she did to him…
The prologue consists of Dafoe, limping through the forest, and suddenly, hundreds of women with their faces blurred out come up to greet him.
So, I thought that this movie was actually really really disturbing. I mean, I’ve seen a lot. A lot that have claimed to be ‘most disturbing of the year’ or ‘of all time’. But this one, I would actually consider to live up to that statement.
I thought it was clever how she prevented both her son and her husband from leaving her. Earlier in the movie she says something about her son trying to leave…wander about…when they were in the cabin in the summer, and from photos, Dafoe sees that she began butting his boots on the wrong feet…perhaps to cripple him, or prevent him from leaving? Later in the movie she does something similar to Dafoe, drilling a hole in his leg and attaching a weight to him.
She seems all emotion, all self centered, and not at all intelligent…where as I feel like they made him, for the most part, generally emotionless, concerned more for others than himself, and extremely intelligent. It was interesting…and verging on annoying, the entire time, he kept his doctorly composure.
This is one of the only movies that I have seen in my life that I have felt like I needed to turn away from. Actually, I think I did…when the girl cuts her clit off…man…I could not fucking watch that haha…other than that, I watched the entire thing, but I don’t think I have felt the urge to look away from the screen that much in a looooong time, if ever.

8.1/10

The Human Centipede

Okay! There has been huuuuuuge talk about this movie haha. About how disturbing and disgusting it was. How people threw up watching it, left the theatre, turned it off, didn’t make it through…so, naturally I had to see it. See if it lived up to the title of one of the most disturbing movies of all time.
My first complaint would have to be how typical everything is…starts off with two young tourists…women…whose car breaks down. Oh, and its raining :P
They find a house, and whose inside? A creepy German surgeon who has a guy locked in his basement strapped to a medical bed and pumped with random shit, tubes all over the place.
Obviously, the girls find themselves strapped to beds beside the guy…and, unfortunately for the guy, he doesn’t match up with the two girls…so…buh bye :(
We get a little Asian guy now, and man…he is feisty! Haha he does NOT stop screaming and yelling in like Korean or something the entire movie!
The doctor then proceeds to tell the three of them how he plans to attach them via their digestive tract and cut the muscles in their knee joints to make a human centipede. Food entering through the first person, traveling through the second, and exiting the third…their knees like, butchered, so they have to choice but to crawl.
He performs the actual surgery fairly quickly into the movie…probably a third of the way in. The next third of the movie is him interacting with this thing he created…
I read that this was supposed to be a dark comedy :P and…the more I get over the ‘what the fuck’ thoughts, I see that it really did have its twisted funny moments :P
There is one point, before he sews them together, that the one girl escapes…she is running all around the house, until she runs into the pool room and falls into the pool. Obviously, the doctor catches up with her…and he makes this very serious and intense speech about why he is glad she tried to escape and blah blah blah…and he ends this speech by saying…something along the lines of: “Do you know the real reason why I am glad you tried to escape me?…. Because now…I know, you will be the middle piece!”
Omg…I found that so funny! I seriously, could not stop laughing! Haha.
Anyway, there is another scene when he is trying to train the centipedey thing to fetch the newspaper…its just…extremely humorous :P
I also absolutely loved the ending…the cops come. They come because of the missing girls, and the doctor, being the dumbass he is, totally blows his cover. So…they leave to get a warrant, and he goes to get the centipede…well, the asian guy, in the front, stabs him in the legs…so, we have this centipede and this legless doctor, chasing, crawling, all over the house :P
Finally, the centipede goes into this room, and the doctor is right behind them…Asian dude gets a lamp…cause he wants to smash the window to get out…but stupidly, turns towards the doctor…and when you think that he MIGHT do something smart (aka smash the doctor in the face with the lamp) He decides it would be a great time to do a speech! After he does his speech about I don’t even know…I was laughing too hard…something about human nature, and society, and his sister, and humanity…he takes a piece of glass and slits his throat. Well, that’s just great…
Now, we have a centipede with a dead front…perfect. You dumb shit!
Cops come back. Try and find the doctor…the doctor shoots the one. The other one, the stupid one, goes and sees ‘ohh a gunshot…lemme go and take a peek’ Well, no shit. He gets shot too. BUT he is able to simultaneously shoot the doctor too…so, we killed two idiotic birds with one stone there.
Now we’re back…and guess who is looking just a bit blue? The back piece of the centipede…perfect timing! Her mouth/the other girls ass is like infected…so, that’s not so good…and basically, she dies. Leaving the middle piece, yes, the feisty one from the beginning, alone in a house with two dead cops, a dead doctor, and a dead asian sewed to her mouth and her dead best friend sewed to her ass :P
I have to say, I actually found this movie quite humorous. And the less serious I take it, the more I enjoy it.

6.8/10

A Scanner Darkly

Another one based on a novel by Philip K. Dick…and another one I have yet to read.
It was made in 2006…which surprised me…I thought it was older than that.
Takes place in the future, I can’t recall how far exactly…or if they even tell you?…Basically, a big majority of the country is addicted to drugs…in particular, this new drug, Substance D. Police surveillance is very invasive and intense…Arctor (Keanu Reeves) is meant to go undercover as a drug user…make friends with other drug users (Robert Downey Jr, and Woody Harrelson).
Arctor ends up getting hooked on drugs himself and falls in love with a girl, Winona Ryder, who is providing him with the drugs.
He ends up totally immersed in this new lifestyle…and the hemispheres in his brain are no longer functioning properly…causing him to lose the ability to distinguish between himself as a cop and a drug addict.
I was actually really impressed with the acting in this movie…aside from Keanu Reeves. I’ve never really been a big Keanu Reeves fan, and…I just wasn’t feeling it. Woody Harrelson especially was hilarious. Robert Downey Jr. was really quirky and odd. Even Rory Cochrane was hilarious with his portrayal of a heavy drug user…his facial expressions were just priceless.
The animation was really neat…and I’m sure took an incredibly long time to complete…but I think it was worth it. It made it different…added to the whole…I dunno. I felt like the whole movie I was wondering what was actually real. Were these people believing what they were seeing? Or seeing what they were believing?…kinda thing.
The beginning was a little slow, but it definitely worked itself out in the end…I really loved the ending.
Arctor is sent to rehab to recover…after the cops supposedly figure out that he is actually addicted to drugs too. We find out that their intention all along was to get Arctor addicted. The reason being that the number one rehab center, where people addicted go to recover, is suspected of actually manufacturing and distributing Substance D. In order to get anywhere near the center, you need to be heavily addicted to substance D. The girl, Winona Ryder, who he fell in love with as his drug dealer…was actually his boss. This was unkown to him, because everyone in that field of work wears these scramble suits that make them look like multiple people at once and change very frequently. She was one of the ones most responsible for setting him up. Their hope was to get him in the center, and hope that he still had a little bit of sense left in him, enough to find proof and be able to relay it back to the cops. He is actually sent to do farm work in the rehab center, and stumbles across rows and rows of blue flowers…which just so happen to be what they use to make substance D. The movie ends with him tucking a blue flower into his boot, and saying that its for his friends when he gets to go back and visit in a few months, at Thanksgiving…and that’s how its left off. I really liked the ending…I was hoping that they were going to put a twist in it.
I also liked…after the movie ended, but before the credits, there was a scrolling list of people dead/damaged because of extensive drug use. It was good, overall…and I think I liked it more than Blade Runner…which I’m not sure if that’s strange…from the ratings I’ve read, it seemed like Blade Runner got better reviews…but I found this more entertaining…and had more ‘huh…’ moments :P

8.7/10

The Sixth Sense

I honestly have no idea why I haven’t seen this movie before now…haha. I had always heard about it…it’s the movie that brought about the ever famous line “I see dead people” But I, for whatever reason, had always passed it off as a typical horror movie. You know, scary ghosts, spirits all that kinda stuff. But I definitely had NO idea that it would be as good as it was…in comparison to what I expected.
We start off with this child psychologist, played by Bruce Willis, and he is visited by an old patient in his home…The patient is extremely frustrated and claims that he didn’t help him at all. Eventually his anger escalades and he shoots at the doctor. A few months later, Willis has another patient…one that reminds him an awful lot of the other one that he couldn’t help.
Because of that fact, Willis has a special place for this kid, and really wants to help him.
Eventually, after earning the kids trust, the kid tells him that he sees and talks with people who are dead…but don’t always know that they’re dead. He starts helping the kid to actually communicate with these ghosts…and the child ends up helping them, so they stop hurting him.
The acting was very well done. That kid! I love that kid :P After seeing him in Pay It Forward I think he is absolutely adorable. A pretty good crier too.
Bruce Willis was decent too.
The ending was one to definitely remember…and its definitely going to be a movie that I watch again. Similar to a Lost episode…you get to the end of the movie and you try and desperately recall what you’ve just seen…almost searching for ways to prove the ending wrong…or find a slip up.
How they pulled off that ending without me suspecting…I have no idea. I did figure out the “twist” about five/ten minutes ahead of when you typically figure out what’s going on…but it honestly surprised me.
The general plot wasn’t extensive…but it was very entertaining…and it was very well done (:

7/10

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Little Otik

I have no idea how I heard about this movie…but I’m glad I did. It’s based on this Czech fairy tale about this couple who can’t have a child. In desperation to make his wife happy, the husband carves a baby out of a stump he dug up that resembles a child. When he gives it to his wife, almost immediately I think he realizes that it was a bad mistake. She immediately attaches to it, and cares for it as if it were real.
She puts a huge amount of effort into creating this lie that she’s pregnant…different sized pregnancy stomachs and everything…I’m sure she’s convinced herself that she’s pregnant. After she finally “gives birth” the husband comes home to find the baby alive…haha yah, wtf this wooden baby is now breastfeeding…
She keeps the baby hidden from others…obviously if people saw they would be very suspicious and well…that’s not normal…
The baby, who they named Otik in case that wasn’t obvious, grew at an extremely fast pace, and had an incredible appetite…for flesh…dun dun dunnn XD
At the same time as this whole thing is unfolding, the next-door neighbor, a little girl, is reading a Czech fairytale. The fairytale is eerily similar to what the girl is observing next door.
First of all, the stop motion in this film was fantastic, and I wish that there were more…all the scenes with Otik were done with stop motion.
Something I think the film could have done without would have been…when the girl was reading the story out loud…they took us and actually showed us scenes from what she was reading…and, it just felt redundant to me, because most of them ended up happening in real life anyway. I mean, that could have been done on purpose, well, I’m sure it was done on purpose, but it just didn’t work for me…personally.
I think I need to look into more of this directors films…talking to a few people, they’ve said that a couple of his other films are actually much better…so, if I enjoyed this one as much as I did, I think I’ll enjoy the others.
Funniest moments in the movie…the dinner times at the next door neighbors house. Every single meal was absolutely disgusting! Haha. That, and the father in that household, it just cracked me up.
Annnd one more thing, the ending. I loved how it ended. We are read from the book, that the way that Otik is killed is by an old woman with a hoe, a gardening hoe…and she slices his stomach and everyone/thing he has eaten comes out. They end the movie with the old woman, hoe over her shoulder, marching down the stairs, determined look on her face, with the little girl practically hanging off her legs, protesting and screaming for her to stop. (:

7.8/10

Idiocracy

The plot is pretty simple...this guy, played by Luke Wilson, is a part of this army experiment of preserving their men so they can be "unfrozen" when they are needed in tuefuture. Obviously, something goes wrong and Pwen Wilson ends up in the year 2500 and everyone is just incredibly stupid. Basically, all the intelligent people were eliminated by natural selection.
Survival of the fittest, eventually the idiots won.
So, here he is, the smartest man alive and the movie us about his journey...until he eventually becomes president...and falls in love with the hooker who was payed by the army to also be inolved in this experiment.
I thought the idea was decent...and it coulda been good...but it just didn't happen.
It did reinforce the fact that we are idiots and are headed in the wrong direction.
The acting was definately nothing spectacular.
What really dissapointed me was that I heard people compare it to Office Space and 1984. I've read 1984 and thought it was fantastic and I've heard really good things about Office Space but wtfff.
Othe than the fact that it revolves around a sort of dystopian world, I don't understand the comparison to 1984. I mean, that's just wrong to compare those lol.
Anyway, overall...not so hot :/

5/10

Thursday, June 3, 2010

An Andalusian Dog

I'd heard a lot about this film...most specifically, the ever famous opening scene of a woman getting her eye sliced open. For me, eyes are my weakness...something about eyeballs being disturbed in any way I find really, well, disturbing....
Anyway, this is a fifteen minute short film made in 1929 by two French dudes...i think :/ well, the one was French for sure
I don't even think I could begin to summarize the events that happen in this film...the time jumps around constantly and the events are random, bizarre and compelling...
We start off with the woman getting her eye sliced open, we jump in time a bit , eight years I think...and we got anwoman watching out a window as a man just falls over on his bike :/
then ants start crawling out of this guys palms, which apparenty in France is some sort of representation of 'itching to kill'.
Down on the street, we see a severed hand, which an old woman pokes repetitively with her cane...until they put it in a box, then the chick holding it gets hit by a car.
Bam, we're back in the room with the lady and the man, he starts to get all sexual, she resists, gives in, then runs away...
In his attempt to catch her the man drags two pianos with the ten commandments hanging off, dead rotting donkeys stuck inside, and two baffled looking priests dragging behind...
We jump in time a bit more, see the woman happy on the beach with a man, walking and skipping...another time jump and we find them buried to their chests, in sand, apparently dead...
So, I'm not really sure your supposed to fully understand what's going on, it lacks a plot, and I think if you try and fgure it out, your making a mistake...
By all means, go for it...but I'm happy with it being a shocking and entertaining 16 minutes that all takes place in a bunch of dream-like scenes...
And surprisingly...even though this film is over 75 years old...it really doesn't seem like it. Two of the most obvious themes I could pick out from what I was given was love and death...simple, broad, and ageless.

8.6/10